Ten reasons why a first time dad will have a great experience with a seasoned mom (s’mom). A s’mom is someone who has either already had one child or damn near close!)
Last summer I got remarried to the love of my life. When my husband married me, he took on my three kids too. A little over a year later and we have had our first child together, fourth in the bunch. Watching my husband be a first time dad has been awesome but it dawned on me that he won’t experience being a first time dad the way he would if it was my first time too. His experience, in my opinion, is actually better, easier and more satisfying! So I put together a list for all those single men who want to start a family but might not be open to a woman with kids. Read on and you’ll see why.
- Keep Calm! – Being a new parent is scary. Every parent can attest to the immense responsibility one feels when realizing that a tiny human being is dependent on you! This feeling comes with every birth, but a first time dad gets the luxury of a seasoned mom who knows just what to do, and in every way is a great support system for a new, unsure father who is taking in and adjusting to this new experience. We can all remember the uncertainty this new experience can bring.
- Pregnancy- There are so many rules about what you should and shouldn’t do when pregnant. I quit drinking coffee (These days, yeah right!) First time dads are inundated with all the same information a s’mom was when she was a first time mom. A glass of wine would be unthinkable as a first time mom, but three kids later, one glass is fine once in a while! It sure beats child abuse. (I’m kidding!) And that lunchmeat? Or coffee? Relax dad, the other 3 turned out right?
- Birth- Any mom can attest to the first birthing experience. I would say that a majority of women don’t have any idea what they are going to experience, mostly due to the lack of any first hand experience. Whether she had a C-section, natural birth or did it at home, this woman gains wisdom that will ultimately influence every birth afterwards. Why does this matter to you? A single man? It matters because when you are watching her give birth to your child! You Love her children just a little bit more after witnessing this miracle.
- Sleep- It’s no secret that babies are associated with late nights and little sleep. However, I have found the opposite to be true in my own experience. I have co slept with all my kids and actually never lost as much sleep as I would have guessed before being a mom. I breastfed them all too which also made it easier to get them back to sleep. Not everyone co-sleeps or breastfeeds, but every mother finds their rhythm and it gets easier after every child.
- Patience- This is a hard one because children test patience all the time. I don’t care who you are; when you are tired, worn thin, hungry or just plain need more than five minutes to yourself, it’s hard to be patient, even with a baby. However, s’moms have experience in being patient and can diffuse a stressful situation before it gets out of hand! This comes in handy as kids get older.
- The Know How- Our baby is currently eight months old and I still laugh at the way my husband changes a poopy diaper. Everything about taking care of a baby is a learning curve. Nobody is born knowing how to hold a baby or diaper one; we learn from our peers, mother, or wife. A first time dad is so much better off with a s’mom who can help teach him rather than being on the learning curve herself. She is the first resource available to a first time dad and makes for a smoother experience. She knows how to soothe the newborn cold or stimulate the constipated butt. While google is a constant friend to new parents, a s’mom is the knowledge in action, an irreplaceable resource for a starting off point.
- Google Induced Fear-The baby has been flapping her arms and dad decided to google ‘arm flapping’. He comes running up the stairs, “The baby might be autistic!” ……”NO, no she isn’t” a s’mom is the first defense against the google fears.
- Financial- Diapers are expensive and unless you are cloth diapering, you are spending money on diapers on a regular basis. By the second, third, and fourth time around, the s’mom knows how to stretch her dollar on glorified baby toilet paper! She is also open to hand me downs. I know I wanted brand new stuff for my first baby, but that desire is fleeting when we see what kids can do to clothes.
- Nutrition- All the baby advice in the world about how to feed your baby and it always comes down to the individual. I don’t waste money on tons of baby food anymore. Hundreds of years ago, moms would just chew the food for the baby (don’t judgeJ) or mash it up, so why invest so much money on a pureed version of what you already have on your own dinner plate. Babies don’t have to be as expensive as we think.
- Easier Outtings- Be Prepared! I can’t tell you how many times I have left the house without my diaper bag or even my full purse on the assumption that we wouldn’t be long. Well after four kids, I am prepared and am able to think of everything almost every time!
- Habits- a s’mom has experienced trial and error and has established good habits in general. She already knows to have the diaper open and ready with wipies on standby before diaper time.
- She can save you from getting peed on
- You’ll quickly have a small arsenal of tools and tricks of the trade it took her years to learn!
Dating a mom and even marrying one is a big commitment. But it’s a wonderful thing to grow your family through love! And she is like having super woman on your side!